K3Barlow2's Xanga

Guess who's back?

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 06:15:12 GMT

So I'm making a Xanga comeback......I don't know how long it will last, but I'm trying it again. So looking at my last post, I was right. Shannon is the real deal and I'm so glad I asked her out. 4 months and counting........

ANYwho, so for the most part, life is great. I haven't been able to say that in the past few years. I think I FINALLY have a feel for college, and how much I need to study and how to study to be successful. I am in a realtionship where we both truly love each other. I have definetly gained a few more "core" friends in Oregon and I'm feeling pretty confident about everything in general.

So it's the night before the 2009 draft. Niners have the 10th pick, I think they will draft the OT from Alabama. Tomorrow is also Lakers Vs. Jazz Game 4. So LA ALL THE WAY! But I should have a busy morning also. I need to continue to study for my macro econ midterm and my math midterm and me and Rudy are going to check up some apartments for next year. So busy Saturday and probably a study, study, study Sunday.

I know probably know none of my friends are going to read this and I'm writing this for me, for something I can look back on in the future. But to stay consistant, I'll end my posts like I did in the past........

So until next time boys and girls.........

Night Canada

Pieces

PTI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I've found someone special.....

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 04:47:28 GMT

My whole life has changed
Since you came in
I knew back then you were that special one
I'm so in love so deep in love you make my life complete
You are so sweet no one competes
Glad you came into my life
You blind me with your love
With you I have no sight

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 05:00:48 GMT

Well I made it through year 2 of college, struggling, but I got through it. And these past two years, I've gone through a lot. 3 Surgeries, an infection, a lot of time in hopsitals, the loss of Anna, bad relationships, and self confidence issues. But you know, this June showed me something, that I'm going to be ok. I need to start believing again. I had a lot of things let me down in the past two years and because of that, I stoped trusting people, stopped letting people in, when sometimes it wasn't anyone's fault. But this month has shown me, that I have people that care, that will have my back and take care of me, even if they have to change something in their life to make sure I'm ok. I won't forget that later on. And that's why I know I'm going to be ok accadmically. No, that doesn't mean I can slack and let fate do it's thing. I still need to work my ass off. But if I fail, oh well, I tried. But the important thing is, no matter what direction I go in the future, I'm gonna have support. And it's always nice to have a secirity blanket as a back up plan, makes things a little less stressful.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 07:36:27 GMT

Writing this, it seems as hard as it too Brett Farve to retire last week. The past month or so was the first time since you've pasted that I had cried thinking about it. Not because I don't care anymore, but because I haven't had time. But now, listening to the first song we ever dance to, I'm close to breaking down all over again. I mean, I didn't even remember shaq's b-day. Our day to bug the burger king people for the shaq pack and water lol. I still can't believe your gone. Somedays it still feels like I'll come home from my classes, excepting a call from you. I just miss the little things about you the most. The REAL hugs everytime you saw me, even if you were pist at me. I miss those Friday afternoons where we'd watch movies on the couch, going into evenings and eventually falling asleep in each other arms. I miss the support at every sporting event that you could go to. I miss the person that could always tell if something was wrong, even when I could trick everyone else. The only person that would tell me the truth, not on what I wanted to hear. Yea, I loved Paige but we both know that deep down, we loved each other. It's a shame we were just to young and blind to see it ourselves and enjoy it. I still don't fully understand why you did it. We could of made it. With all the shit that you went through Fresh-Sophmore yr. And all the shit I went through Junior-Fresh of college, there is no doubt we could of made it. I know if you were here, you would tell me it's not my fault, but I feel so gulity, that I failed you. It's one thing if I fail at college, or if I fail in a relationship. But I failed you as a friend. I failed the friend that made me feel loved, the love that keeped me going and gave me a reason to wake up every morning. You got me through thick and thin and you still probably will. But I didn't get you through it, I didn't give out my hand for you to hold to. I was about to, I swear I was. If only I was a little more healthier at the time. I would of flown to you, I would of helped work you through it. I should of, I was selfish, thinking about my future. The one time that I was selfish about it, and I lose you. I'm sorry Anna, I really am. I know you've already forgiven me, but I haven't and I never will. You made me a better person. I can never replace that, you had me at my best, even when I was at my worst. And because of that, no matter how bad it is, no matter how good it is, no matter the situation; I am going to keep going, pushing and fighting for what we wanted and believed in. I'm living life for 3 things. To make my mom proud. To make my dad proud. To make you proud. I hope I can accomplish that.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 07:05:45 GMT

Well I had just gotten NFL Tour, and it reminded me of my Xanga background of NFL Street. I created my Xanga the first weekend I had gotten NFL Street, in 9th grade. I feel so old.....It's funny, I sorta remember how I felt on that day. Nothing special happened, I didn't fall in love, I didn't break anything, I didn't make anyone mad. I was frastrated at NFL Street and I got bored, so I created a Xanga since people like Dan, George, and Paige had one. So let's see what has changed since then.......

1. The Pats were good, oh wait, nvm......

2. I thought I needed true love right away.

3. I thought I had true love. I'm glad I still talk to her at least, though she mad at me at the moment, I deserve it however.

4. I could do whatever I wanted to do, with no worries in the world.

5. Tony and Vanissa thought they were gonna get married.....odd....

6. I wanted CAL

7. I didn't enjoy my time with friends and loved ones as much I should have.

8. My body was unbreakable. I never got sick and nothing ever hurt.

9. All I wanted was a top of the line computer to play Madden.......

10. I never thought about being an adult...........

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 05:40:14 GMT

The first time you experience something, usually it's the 'high' of that experience. If you've been in love for the first time or you failed a test for the first time, you have the highest point of joy or sadness. I've experience this before though, multiple times. My body is making me miserable. I eat one meal a day because of it, I'm constantly in pain, and now it's coming to the point where the things I enjoy doing, isn't making me at least a little bit happier. Ever since Jr. year, it hasn't been fun to live. I do it, because I'm told to. I'm not asking for a lot, I just want to be normal. To be able to eat 3 meals a day, to do normal things, go to school, hang with friends, play sports, and not have to be in pain. I thought these two surgeries would take care of it, like I had a second chance at this life thing. But it seems, just like everything and everyone else is this world, it wants to give me false hope. Get me all excited and my hopes up, just to crush them later on. I thought the first time I have this experience, it would be done with. I felt miserable, at my lowest low. I really don't want to go through all that again, but it seems I'm going to, like it or not. Just last time, I was rescued, because I wasn't an adult, I had help to get back. Now, I gotta lean more towards me. I don't have the heart to bounce anymore. I'm dead inside, I have been for a while.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 18:31:21 GMT

I've come to a conclusion.

I've been having some death dreams the past couple of nights, having the Macalister gun to my head incident replayed over and over because of Hon's death and dreams of what would happen if Macalister got out and went back to try to kill me.

All those years that I worked to get him in jail, and he threatened my life, I admit I was scared. I didn't want to die, I had so many things I needed to do and experience, my life was just starting. But thinking about my life now, I'm not afraid to die. I've been through so much shit, life isn't even fun anymore. I've had most of my life taken from me. My dreams, my goals, my hopes, my friends, my loved ones, my likes, my dislikes, my loves, my passion. There is nothing left that can be taken from me, but me myself. I'd like to think I lived a good live so far. I have parents that love me and care for me. I've truly loved some one, though they never loved me. I finally found friends who do care about me for the person I am.

But the point I guess I'm saying is, if Macalister happen to escape or got out early for whatever reason. And he came after me again. If I stopped him and got him back in jail, fine that's great. But if I fail, and he kills me, fine that's great too.

The only one

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 01:13:13 GMT

I should hate her. She has lied, used me, lost my trust, ruined a lot of special of days for me. I've tried to ignore, I've tried chew her out, I've tried telling everyone, that I hate her and I'm never going to talk to her. But it's a lie, no matter what I do, I love her, I care about her, I think about her almost 24/7. I would do anything for this girl, die, lie and take the blame from a crime, even if it put me in jail for life. It makes me upset when she's hurting and I know it. It makes me even more upset when I can't talk to her. We're never going to be together, we both know it. I just wish, she knew how much I really do love her and care for her. I'm being honest right now, if I live a miserable life, and I find out she happy and loving life, that's all I ever want. I already know, I'm never going to feel what I have for this girl, ever again. It's just a shame, maybe if she knew how I really felt, I mean how I truly feel, maybe we could make it work.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 03:12:57 GMT

This has got to be one of the most disappointing and terrible birthdays that I've had. A lot of people have let me down, a lot.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Mon, 28 May 2007 06:30:32 GMT

Well it's been a while since I've posted and it's been way over due to write a new post. So much has gone on, now that I think about it, I'm not surprised I haven't posted in a while. Well May brought a lot of stress, upseting, and failing moments, that's for sure.

My dad ended up in the hospital for 3 weeks and for a week, I didn't know if I would ever get my real dad back. Lucky he is safe and is living happy for now. But that 3 weeks brought so much stress on me and it was really bad timing. I had a lot of midterms, in hard classes, at a time where I wanted to come home. I know it would of made no difference if I was in Fremont or Corvallis on what happened to my dad, but I still felt like I needed to be home. So I did poorly on midterms and because of that, I dropped two classes. I feel bad for it, I really do, I feel like I wasted my time, my parent's hard spent money, and I disappointment me and everyone else. But I guess all I can do is get good grades in my other two classes, which I can pull off a 3.18 GPA and try harder next quarter. But to be honest, I am really getting sick of school, I'm so glad there is only 3 weeks left!

Another thing that happened because of stress is me and Emily breaking up. Because of midterms and my dad, I didn't really talk to her. I found another interest, though I'm not presueing it, and we decided to break up. It was good 4 month run, I'm happy with it.

So 3 weeks left of school, 2 weeks of classes, 1 week of finals and packing. It should be interesting to pack everything on my own and spend my birthday in Portland in a hotel! OH BOY! . My surgery is the following week, Wednesday the 20th! This might sound weird, but I'm more excited for that than the last day of school, my birthday, or coming home lol. I really just want my life back. I want control on what I do and when I do it. I wanna do the things I love to do again. I'm going to be able to, very very very soon, I have my daydreams about it already.

So until next time boys and girls......(hopefully in the next week or so)

Good Night Canada

Pieces

PTI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!