Writing this, it seems as hard as it too Brett Farve to retire last week.  The past month or so was the first time since you've pasted that I had cried thinking about it.  Not because I don't care anymore, but because I haven't had time.  But now, listening to the first song we ever dance to, I'm close to breaking down all over again.  I mean, I didn't even remember shaq's b-day.  Our day to bug the burger king people for the shaq pack and water lol.  I still can't believe your gone.  Somedays it still feels like I'll come home from my classes, excepting a call from you.  I just miss the little things about you the most.  The REAL hugs everytime you saw me, even if you were pist at me.  I miss those Friday afternoons where we'd watch movies on the couch, going into evenings and eventually falling asleep in each other arms.  I miss the support at every sporting event that you could go to.  I miss the person that could always tell if something was wrong, even when I could trick everyone else.  The only person that would tell me the truth, not on what I wanted to hear.  Yea, I loved Paige but we both know that deep down, we loved each other.  It's a shame we were just to young and blind to see it ourselves and enjoy it.  I still don't fully understand why you did it.  We could of made it.  With all the shit that you went through Fresh-Sophmore yr.  And all the shit I went through Junior-Fresh of college, there is no doubt we could of made it.  I know if you were here, you would tell me it's not my fault, but I feel so gulity, that I failed you.  It's one thing if I fail at college, or if I fail in a relationship.  But I failed you as a friend.  I failed the friend that made me feel loved, the love that keeped me going and gave me a reason to wake up every morning.  You got me through thick and thin and you still probably will.  But I didn't get you through it, I didn't give out my hand for you to hold to.  I was about to, I swear I was.  If only I was a little more healthier at the time.  I would of flown to you, I would of helped work you through it.  I should of, I was selfish, thinking about my future.  The one time that I was selfish about it, and I lose you.  I'm sorry Anna, I really am.  I know you've already forgiven me, but I haven't and I never will.  You made me a better person.  I can never replace that, you had me at my best, even when I was at my worst.  And because of that, no matter how bad it is, no matter how good it is, no matter the situation; I am going to keep going, pushing and fighting for what we wanted and believed in.  I'm living life for 3 things.  To make my mom proud.  To make my dad proud.  To make you proud.  I hope I can accomplish that.